Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
