u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
