tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
