Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
