I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
