the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Holy sore nipples Batman
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
