please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
