If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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