we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
