i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As shirtless as possible
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
