I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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