I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
