I wish i was in the wii world.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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