I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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