he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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