this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
