Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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