Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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