just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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