Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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