Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
