Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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