whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
