apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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