Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
