she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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