Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
