guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
