Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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