Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
