i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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