Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
