I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
