I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
