A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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