if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
