you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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