ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
