Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
