This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
