I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
