i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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