can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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