just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
