got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
