yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
