Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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