I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need a beard to bite.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
