She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
