It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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