Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
