The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
