I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
