So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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