Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
