Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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