so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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